30 before 30.

My Mum has always said, for as long as I can remember, that her thirties were the best years of her life.

After a painfully insecure teenage-hood and financially difficult twenties, she met my Dad in 1990 in a pub in Bath whilst he was on leave from the Merchant Navy. After a couple of bad jokes and a first date in a Greek restaurant, he moved in and never left. Being older parents, after getting married in 1992 they decided to start trying for a family; predicting it may take a couple of years to get pregnant. My Mum was very much classed at the grand old age of 34 as a 'geriatric mother', and my Dad was well into his forties, despite having 3 children already. But low and behold, a month later, they had a bun in the oven. After My Dad left the Merchant Navy they moved into my childhood home with no money or furniture, optioning to use an old camp-bed as a sofa. My Dad was opening up his own business in London which caused him to be gone most of the time, but they somehow still managed to keep my Mum at home until my brother and I were 7 and 5 respectively. We had the bailiffs knocking a couple of times, but you really could not find a couple of kids that had a happier childhood than we did. In her thirties, she says, my Mum started to feel more comfortable in her own skin. She settled down roots in my hometown and met lifelong friends that she could lean on and smoke a pack of fags in our garden with whilst we played outside until it was dark. She used her experience as a neo-natal nurse at Guy's Hospital to get a job in the local nursery school, and became involved with our schools PTA; organising boozy fundraising trips and misbehaving with her friends at pub quizzes. We went on humble but wholesome holidays - camping, Centre Parcs, even on a plane to France or Ireland a couple of times. Always surrounded by friends, and love, food and drink. When we would go away as a group, the other Mum's would be in charge of picky bits and canned goods, and my Mum would bring the gin and tonic.

Disclaimer: My Mother is not an alcoholic, she is just a really good time. I feel like she would want me to stipulate that at this point. Anyway, my point is, her thirties were mostly fab. Complications with my Dad's health and our grumpy teenage years changed the dynamic of her forties and fifties, but her early years as a mother and wife she still looks upon very fondly. Rose tinted? Probably. But these anecdotes that we wheeze over whenever we get together with our childhood friends have moulded my view of my impending thirties into something that I don't dread. In fact, I am quite excited about it.

I always had in mind that I would mark it in some way, so I thought I would jot down 30 things I have learned before turning the big 3-0. Hopefully I will look back on this list when (and if!) I hit 40 and laugh at how naive and silly I was, in the way I look back at my 20 year old self now. So here goes. 1. A couple of best friends is better than 20 acquaintances. This may seem obvious, but I had so many birthdays where I wanted to invite as many people as possible, for only half the guest list to turn up. Over time I started to realise that instead of mourning the friendships I couldn't ignite fully, I should appreciate the ones that show up for me time and time again. I would say the best thing that came out of my twenties are my best friends. For the first time in my life I can confidently say I have a solid network of people that will support me without question but are also not afraid of calling me out in private when it's needed. These types of friendships I want to continue to nurture as much as I can whilst also knowing that everyone has busy lives and their own thing going on. The tribe of friends my Mum had around me have become a staple in my own life, and hopefully will do in my children's lives too. It takes a village, as they say.

2. Guilty Pleasures aren't a real thing. Just do what you like doing! Christ's sake, if I could claw back those insecure years of wanting to be the coolest person in the room I would in a heartbeat. I also hate that I used to judge people for doing things that they loved which I didn't necessarily understand at the time. I play Dungeons and Dragons. I play The Sims. I love escape rooms. I love murder mystery parties. I love watching Real Housewives, I love playing board games. All of these things are not 'cool', but I truly don't care.

3. Moving out of London was the best thing I ever did... eventually. The 6.5 year stint I did of brutal hospitality shifts, nights out in Heaven and G-A-Y, paying too much rent, sharing a blunt in Soho Square in the sunshine, battling through the tourists on Oxford Street at Christmas, stumbling onto a bus at 6am for an hours commute, ambling eerie lockdown walks along an empty river Thames and seeing my debut play premiere Off West End made up a colourful tableau of unmissable experiences, but I knew when I was done. London is perfect for a good time, but not for a long time. Before I moved away I walked from Bermondsey to Soho in the snow during lockdown as a kind of morose final lap of a city that, at times, had chewed me up and spit me out. My heart strings were definitely tugged, but that feeling soon dissipated when the tubes started to fill back up and randomers started to heavy breathe on my neck once more. The noisy seagulls and ageing hippies of Brighton were calling, and I have honestly not looked back once.

4. You need some kind of skincare routine. But bloody hell, what a minefield. I have spent hours trawling through blogs about retinol vs retinoids, acids vs peels. Are collagen supplements real? (no) Is SPF important? (yes). I got so obsessed that I ended up burning my skin barrier clean off and had to only use water for 2 weeks. Now I feel like I have it down (hyaluronic acid, moisturiser and cleanser and maybe some retinol/toner once or twice a week. Not that you asked.) I know that sounds a lot - to be honest just washing your face is enough! My boyfriend jokes that I am in some kind of MLM cult and that my products are taking over the bathroom. We are going to have to agree to disagree.

5. All Chardonnay tastes like piss. A nice crisp New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc is the only way forward. 6. Not everybody hates you all the time. I know, huge. To be honest, I'm still working on this. I still wake up everyday reaching for my phone waiting for a disaster at work to have happened (although that's another story) or a text from an old friend calling me a bitch for something I didn't know I had done. Over lockdown I lost touch with a dear friend of mine who I used to live with, and the more time went by, the more I had convinced myself that she hated me. It got to the point that I was having daily dreams about her years later, and I eventually plucked up the courage to fall on my imaginary and totally unnecessary sword and sent her a grovelling message calling myself a piece of shit and bad friend/person and she should never speak to me again. She laughed at me and asked to meet up, which we did and picked up exactly where we left off. It made me wonder what friendships I had convinced myself out of that simply had been left dormant, both waiting for that first text. 7. Everyone should work in a customer facing job at least once. It will kick the living daylight out of you and you'll cry in the toilet, but it will give you a backbone and a level of empathy and people skills that I'm not sure I would have garnered otherwise. What other industry can you learn how to keep a smile whilst being put onto a headlock by a drunk guy on a stag do? 8. I do not have a good work ethic. This sounds like a humble brag, like when Micheal Scott in The Office says his weaknesses are actually his greatest strengths, but it's true. I like that I am a hard worker and that I put my all into everything I'm doing; it's one of my favourite things about myself. But I find myself slipping into toxic habits very easily, and it can be completely detrimental to my physical and emotional wellbeing. If I'm not careful I find myself taking my laptop on holiday, sweating if I drop signal for even 10 minutes in case someone tries to call me. I think remote working has amplified this. The decent pay-check and 'flexible' working is good to a point, but having a panic attack on Christmas Eve and retching into sink over a shitty email makes you take stock and think... maybe this has gone too far. My childhood fear of having no money has, in retrospect, caused me to make questionable professional decisions that I can't beat myself up about too much. But it's made me realise I desperately need to find some balance in the next couple of years. 9. Don't be late. Over the years, any little temper I once had has pretty much disappeared. But one thing that still makes my blood... maybe not boil, but lightly simmer, is when people are consistently late. Once or twice, fine. But you being late tells me that your time is more important than mine, and that just ain't right! Get it together!

10. Having your pets in the bed with you is not gross. Well, it technically is, but are you telling me that you would look a puppy in the eye that is literally spooning you and tell them to go downstairs?! Crazy. Monster behaviour.

11. THERAPY. Just go. I know you don't think you need it, but you probably do. Yes, even you. 12. I like being comfortable. Look... I just don't want to rough it anymore. I've done the $2 hostels with bugs up the walls and french couples having screaming rows at 2am. I have done the solo trips across Thailand in a bus for 12 hours, not washing for days and nibbling on orange peel because I ran out of money. I just don't think my lower back could take a 5 day festival, not even if Taylor Swift was headlining. I don't even think it's a money thing - I don't mind getting coaches or walking places. But if there's a 4 quid upgrade for a bigger bus seat? Sure. Food is a great example of this. Not all fancy places are good, and some of the cheaper grub can be the most authentic. I don't often go for the most expensive, just the best there is. There is a big difference!

13. Failure is incredibly important. From a very young age I was encouraged to try things and not get them. Clearly I eventually developed a fetish for failure as I stepped into the creative industries, often getting a rejection from one job as I stepped into an interview for another. I cried a lot at first, but now it rarely affects me. Same goes with praise. My Mum used to give me annoyingly honest feedback on anything I did my entire childhood, when other parents would shower their kids with praise, no matter what. I used to feel a bit resentful at times, but when I saw her face after the opening night of Anomaly it was all worth it, because I knew she meant every word. Another annoying example of parents knowing best.

14. Pay your freelancers. Don't be a dick. 15. I think I've become kinder. NOT to be confused with the sickly sweet #BeKind motto that is bandied around facebook by people that in their next breath call Meghan Markle the N word in the comments under a Daily Mail post. I mean just more understanding. I try to be, anyway. When I was younger I definitely leant into the mean girl/Regina George persona I had developed which I never fully believed, but it kind of became a chicken and the egg situation. I could count on two hands the amount of times people said the age old phrase to me 'I really hated you when I first met you.' as a backhanded compliment. I have a lot of friends around me who I know love me almost unconditionally, but every now and again I meet someone who just instantly cannot stand me, and I can do nothing about it no matter how hard I try. It's almost a superpower to recognise that look; maybe going to an all girls school has given me bitchy spidey senses, I don't know. But in my late twenties I felt like I literally became a different person. Not an angel by ANY means, but I do try to understand people's point of view and empathise as much as I can. Still a work in progress, for sure.

16. Shorter men are better in bed. No further comment.

17. I think Love Island is actually abit evil. All dating shows, actually. I used to devour a season of MAFS or Love is Blind but now they make be feel grubby and sad, especially after all that has come out about them mental health wise.

18. I LOVE WEDDINGS. Invite me to all of them, I will be there with bells on. I also kind of love funerals, in a weird way. Just anything where people can get together and celebrate someone in whatever sense. Also, I love a good buffet.

19. I am an extrovert, through and through. My social battery is definitely charged by being around other people. BBQ? Always. Night out? Back to mine afterwards. Games Night? Absolutely. I need to fill every weekend with something social, or I feel sad! That being said, on the rare occasion by social battery does run out, it is like a light switch - you won't see me for dust, I'm gone. 20. If your friend has a baby, never turn up empty handed. Come with loo roll, a sweet treat and freeze-able food. Make the tea, walk the dog, hold the baby whilst they go to the loo and don't instantly give it back when it cries. 21. Never watch things out loud on your phone on a train or plane. It is maddening and everyone hates you. 22. You dont have to forgive anyone. Some people will have caused lasting damage, and it is 100% up to you if you want to forgive them and move on, or cut them out completely. No person is ever too important or indispensable to consistently treat you badly and expect love and respect in return. I know not everyone will agree with this, but there is a line. My parents - controversially, I know - did not drum into us the 'respect your elders' mindset in the same way as other people. Nobody is owed your respect - they earn it. Just as you earn theirs, even as a child. Therapy has made me realise this even more, and seeing my family and friends work through past trauma has affirmed that your mental and emotional wellbeing ALWAYS come first, whatever the cost.

23. Keep safe. If you are a young women or vulnerable person walking at night, don't have any headphones in and keep your keys between your fingers. In busy cities, keep your hand on your phone or locked away. Have at least one person you know on your phone's Find a Friend list. This is from the person who has definitely gone home with strange men in strange cities and swam in the Thames when drunk (I know) so I'm not being holier than thou. Looking back, some of the things I did in my twenties make me literally shudder, I guess that's how it goes. Every generation thinks they're invincible until they aren't.

24. Keep heat away from your hair for as much as possible. From someone who scorched their follicles to within an inch of their lives from age 13 and definitely destroyed any curl pattern that I could have had, don't do it.

25. Moving your body should not be a punishment. It has taken me SO LONG to realise this, and to be honest I am still getting there. There is so much rhetoric around having to get your 10k steps in (literally a marketing ploy), doing the right amount of cardio and weights, not to mention the ongoing battle we are all dealing with when it comes to body image across the media. It really took my Endometriosis diagnosis to force me to come to terms with the fact that I have to work WITH my body, not against it. At my worst, I started with chronic pain yoga and went from there, and it's been an uphill battle. But in this next decade I want to treat my body kindly, despite being tearfully rageful towards it at times. I'm never going to be a gym bunny, but I will aim to walk the South Downs more with my dog, swim in the sea, stretch after a long day at my laptop.

26. Freeze your eggs. If you can afford it, or have access to insurance, do it. Even if you don't have any medical issues. Then you can breeze into your thirties without the Grim Reapers scythe swinging over your ovaries. I've got a couple of perky little 28 year old eggs in the freezer, leaving my reproductive organs to deplete at their own pace. Which, turns out, is annoyingly quickly. 27. I love my dog so much. I don't have kids, and I have only ever had cats (whom I also adore) but Mila is something special. Being a first time dog owner was really tough at first, I definitely had the puppy blues. But as soon as we got to know each other, I became obsessed with her. I don't think I have ever loved something more. When we go on holiday I become that annoying person who asks whatever friend is watching her to send me daily pictures and videos - and I make no apology for it! Loving a dog is the best thing ever, despite the crippling fear of anything happening to them. That being said, one is enough for me ! Give me 5 more cats before I get another dog.

28. Cry it out. Tired? Cry. Hungry? Cry. Overstimulated? Cry. I am basically a newborn with a mortgage and lower back issues. 29. Ask you parents to tell you everything. There is so much that I never got to ask my Dad. I often wonder how much we would have to talk about now - he left us when I was a stroppy and hormonal 16 year old who was annoyed her Father was dying. But now I have his jaw, his sense of humour. I have lived in London, which he saw as home. I have travelled, like him. My boyfriend plays chess, and is good at maths, and is funny and kind and dry witted, like him (okay Freud). The worst part of death is the loss of what could have been. All we have left is snippets of different stories with muddy timelines, and versions of him that don't quite match up. We don't even have many photos of him, as he ducked out of frame every time. I would do anything to have a quick catch up over a coffee (or beer) and give him the footnotes, so savour what time you have left and ask the questions you have always wondered about.

30. Go easy. This life is long and hard (eyy) and there are plenty of people who will be tough on you, so don't be one of them. We all make mistakes, we all take the wrong turn every now and again. Everything that once seemed like an impenetrable loss to me at once point makes so much more sense now. I want to take more risks, I want to be more honest with myself and others, I want to back myself more. There will be days where I barely get out of bed and end up ordering a pizza, slipping into those old habits of hating myself for not constantly fulfilling my full potential all the time - I'm never good enough, thin enough, smart enough; I don't work hard enough.

I have had enough of all of that, and I am firmly leaving it behind.

We were always taught that the only thing worse than getting older is not getting older, and ageing is a privilege. So I am promising myself that I will step into the next decade of my life with an open mind and strong stomach.

Here's to 30 more! Let's get hammered.